Ah, once again, it’s that time of year which has Americans crowding fanatically around their television sets and Australians saying, “HUH??? SUPERB OWL???” Yes, the 49th Super Bowl is here, and with it comes the annual mecca of ads (and no superb owls). In case, like me, you were too busy laughing at hilarious player names to tune in (special mention to D’Brickashaw Ferguson and Ha Ha Clinton-Dix), I’ve prepared a mostly useful summary of the best-of-the-best of Super Bowl 2015:
Snickers drew giggles with its new commercial, and the second-best use of Steve Buscemi in a Brady Bunch scene that I’ve ever seen. Plus, it has Danny Trejo holding an axe.
The new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer turned heads by setting the record for ‘Least Amount of Chemistry Between Two Characters in 40 Seconds’. I for one can’t wait to see what #NaughtyAntics C-grade Anne Hathaway and Colin Firth are going to get up to in the “playroom”. I hope it’s a spirited discussion about how much better this movie would’ve been if the two lead characters actually had any sex appeal.
From terrible actors to pterodactyls, we were also blessed with the new Jurassic World trailer, which promises to cause pant-pooping internationally when it debuts mid-year. If dinosaurs aren’t your thing, you might also be interested in the Pitch Perfect 2, Furious 7, Terminator Genisys (really? You chose to spell ‘genesis’ like that? Okay.) Tomorrowland, Insurgent or Ted 2 trailers that all debuted as well. Or alternatively, re-evaluate your life choices, because there’s really no feasible excuse for not wanting to see Chris Pratt hand-training raptors to maim a genetically-altered, rogue Tyrannosaurus Rex.
If you’ve ever wanted to be inside Charlie Sheen’s head for 30 seconds, Loctite Glue’s new ad is as close as you’re going to get. Featuring office workers in bum bags gyrating to dubstep and a talking unicorn brooch, it… well, that’s about it. That exists now. Thanks, Loctite.
Always’ new ad is a rehashing of Dove’s Real Beauty campaign for the Beyoncé Generation, with its call-to-action to stop using the phrase “like a girl” in a negative way. It’s effectively a cut-down of a popular viral video, but moving nonetheless.
Comediennes Chelsea Handler and Sarah Silverman trade the spotlight for phones in TMobile’s back-and-forth visual gag-fest. If anything, it’s worth watching just to see Chelsea Handler trapped in an enclosed space with a… bandicoot? Raccoon? I’m still not sure what it is.
Pierce Brosnan’s cameo in Kia’s new ad is a hilariously self-aware take on the fact that all he seems to do are second-rate action films. It’s so good it almost makes up for his performances as James Bond. Almost.
Budweiser’s “Lost Dog” should be commended for its heart-warming tale of an abandoned puppy finding a home with a humble farmer. It should not be commended for trying to resurrect The Proclaimer’s pub hit “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)”.
And last but not least, what would a ‘Best of Super Bowl’ list be without an ad featuring a toe nail quite literally tackling fungus? Probably a lot better is what.
Jack Cornwell is a Research Assistant at BCM